April 1, 2006 Buy or Sell: Mania XXII By John Miller
It’s Sunday. You love baseball’s opening day but don’t
care that much about the first of 200 White Sox-Indians games. We’re
in between rounds in the NCAA tournament. Do you dare miss a new “Sopranos”
to catch Wrestlemania XXII? I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking the same
thing. Let’s break it down, match by match, and figure out if this
show is worth $50 and four hours of our time. WWE Championship: John Cena vs. Triple-H. Many have
predicted a double-turn, a la Bret Hart-Steve Austin at Wrestlemania XIII.
I don’t see that happening. Some are cheering for HHH right now,
but that will change quickly if Babyface HHH is shoved down our throats
again. Remember when he came back from the quad injury and derailed Chris
Jericho’s promising first title reign? As for Cena, the fickle boo-birds
will start cheering him again if he’s turned heel. His sneering,
I-don’t-give-a-rip attitude as a heel is what made him popular in
the first place. I think the match will actually be better than most anticipate. Say what
you will about Cena’s wrestling ability, but he usually raises his
game a notch at pay-per-views. It’s the biggest match of Cena’s
career, so he has every reason to be motivated. It all depends on HHH. Unlike most, I think Cena retains. The feud has
been too one-sided in HHH’s favor. He’ll wait until Backlash
to bury Cena. But the question is, if HHH is jobbing, how interested will
he be in making Cena look good? He was a pro with Batista and Benoit,
and if that professionalism continues, this should be a surprisingly good
match. The crowd’s loyalties could be split, and that dynamic helped
create a hot match between Cena and Jericho at last year’s Summer
Slam. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the finish go either way. World Heavyweight Championship: Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio vs.
Randy Orton. Don’t sleep on this match. I think it will
be tremendous. Obviously, even a banged-up Angle is a work-rate machine.
Mysterio and Orton already proved they have great chemistry on “Smackdown!”
recently. It’ll be tough to top the HHH-Shawn Michaels-Chris Benoit
three-way dance from Mania XX, but there’s no reason this match
can’t be great on its own. After all the unsettling references to Eddie, Rey has to win. Mania always
needs a special moment, and Rey winning his first world title would do
the trick. The guy has been insanely popular in WWE for years now. He
not only deserves a win, but it would be long over due. Still, I don’t
think Rey winning is a sure thing by any means. Originally, this match
was rumored to be Batista vs. Orton with Orton presumably winning. Don’t
count him or Angle out. Kurt’s face run has just started, but he
probably shouldn’t have the belt with his neck problems flaring
up again. No-Holds-Barred Match: Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels.
No chance in hell Vince wins this match. I know he runs the company and
can do whatever he wants, but this is Shawn Michaels, the man who once
“lost his smile” to avoid jobbing the title. If you think
he’s not winning this match after having his face shoved into Vince’s
bare ass, you’re nuts. Other than the urine toss, Vince has gotten
the best of Shawn at almost every turn. That changes Sunday. In the build-up, there have been Montreal references galore. Obviously,
they want us to think Bret Hart, who’s being inducted into the WWE
Hall of Fame as I type, will get involved. Anything is possible, but don’t
count on that happening. Shawn will likely be in crazy-bumping mode, and Vince looks like he’s
in decent shape, so the match could be decent. It won’t be a scientific
classic to say the least, but if you fancy overbooked melodrama, this
match is for you. Hardcore Match: Mick Foley vs. Edge. Unlike Scott Keith,
I’ve enjoyed this feud. It’s been fun to watch Foley slowly
morph back into Crazy Foley. Edge is more than willing to take sick bumps
as well, so you have to at least be curious to see what spots they come
up with. Let’s just hope Mick did his cardio. Foley has never had his Mania moment, but a win here wouldn’t do
it. A win would mean much more to Edge’s career than Foley’s.
Edge could keep his Mania win streak alive and brag about that for the
next 11 months. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van
Dam vs. Ric Flair vs. Fit Finlay vs. Matt Hardly vs. Bobby Lashley.
Topping last year’s Money in the Bank will be a chore without Benoit
involved, but the intrigue is arguably greater this year. Shelton, RVD, Flair, and Lashley could all win. I’m pulling for
Shelton. He was a star in last year’s match, and he deserves to
get the nod. RVD is definitely worthy too. He, like Mysterio, has been
hugely over since coming to WWE but has never gotten the chance to carry
the proverbial brass ring. His time off recovering from knee surgery could
be fresh start. Money in the Bank is a winning idea for Vince and Co., and they should
consider making it an annual part of Mania. Edge gained a lot of momentum
carrying the guaranteed title shot for a few months and then exercising
his option at the perfect time. Hopefully, this year’s winner will
benefit as much as Edge did. Casket Match: The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry. This match
will undoubtedly be “bowling-shoe ugly,” to steal a line from
J.R. Not only does this train wreck involve two of the biggest stiffs
available, but they’ll also be rest-holding their way through the
most hackneyed of gimmick matches, the casket match. If Kurt Angle couldn’t
pull a miracle out of Henry, Taker doesn’t have a prayer. Also,
there’s no way Taker’s Mania win streak ends at Henry’s
hands. No drama, plus bad wrestling, equals bathroom break. United States Championship: Chris Benoit vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
(JBL). It’s Chris Benoit at Mania, which guarantees this
match will be watchable at worst. As much as I love Benoit though, JBL
should win. He’s the perfect U.S. champ. He would be an excellent
foil for everyone in the “Smackdown!” mid-card, including
Lashley, Hardy, etc. Women’s Championship: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James.
WWE might have built this Mania feud better than all the others. Sure,
it was obvious from the beginning where Mickie’s creepy infatuation
was heading, but it was executed well. Mickie has been great in her roll
too. Now we’ll see if she can back it up in the ring. We know Trish
will bust her hump to get the most out of her she possibly can. Boogeyman vs. Booker T and Sharmell. This match might
make Taker-Henry look like Benoit-Hart by comparison. What exactly did
adding Sharmell to the match accomplish? She’s done an incredible
job as Booker’s valet, both as a heel and as a face. Let’s
keep her outside the ring. The Boogeyman experiment needs to end. This worm-eating nonsense would
be a little more intimidating if he could actually impress with his wrestling
ability too. Playboy Pillow Fight: Torrie Wilson vs. Candice “Go Daddy”
Michelle. Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to analyze this
crap? If you’re spending 50 bucks on a pillow fight, you’re
a sad human being. There’s my analysis. Buy or Sell? Although it hasn’t happened yet, Wrestlemania XXII is already getting a bad rap in some circles. There are no big-money matches on the card, but upon further examination, there’s a lot of potential here. The four matches with the most potential—Cena-HHH, Angle-Mysterio-Orton, Edge-Foley, and Money in the Bank—are all unpredictable, at least by wrestling standards. If you’re still on the fence, jump over to the buy side, especially if you’re a Rey Mysterio fan. It could be his big night. |
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